Friday, January 22, 2010

Menthol Crystals (Ice)


I'm inhaling Menthol Crystals which Dad and I called "Ice". I'm at it again, I fell sick again. The typical flu, cough, fever, sore throat thing. I hate it when I get flu. It blocks my airway and made it hard to breathe and it makes my eyes droopy. It feels like you're sleepy when you're really not.

I'm suppose to be doing my assignments but my mind is as blocked as my nose. Nothing seems to flow through the numbness. None of the people I want to talk to is online. I feel so lonely at the moment. It's the being sick part that's got the best of me. I feel so incompetent to myself, my healthy self.

It's really getting to me and it's making me an emo-bitch. Looking at how I'm always sick and breakable. I feel so incompetent. Quite recently I was walking too much and exerted Scarley The Left and it hurts so much. I've come to the point where I know that I cannot go for jungle trekking and extreme stuff. I am not saying that I've come to terms with it, in fact I'm quite reluctant to accept it. That makes me emo. I don't know how small things snowballs itself and makes me emo.

Few more months and I'll be a graduate. I'll be off on my own feet. No more parents financing. Thus, I'm going through the dilemma of what will I do, what am I going to do? I hate to think of it 'cause I don't really have a direction, lost it along the way. I admit that I don't take one day at a time, I hate to be insecure. TADA! There you go, Mel!

I want to be a soap bubble. Float and burst and that's it. Along the way you make people happy and then you burst and disappear. I am on some unknown tantrum. I'm being a 5-year-old.

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