Brain Waves
Humans can be the most ungrateful being on Earth at times. I am one and I know that I occasionally have this 'assface/ass-phase" in life. The times where I feel like this whole world is against me and that Feng Shui/Karma/Voodoo and what nots are out there grabbing me like I am some food supply being dropped into zombieland. I am not alone and I know. That does not make me happy either 'cause there's other neurotics out there like me.
Having that brain check did me some good. At this point where I am still struggling to know how to go about with things, I somehow coaxed myself into numbness. I heard me telling me sweet nothings of things that is secondary nonetheless important.
It really is frustrating to come to realization on a hospital bed after being throughly ogled by some space-tech doppelganger machine. It was like a freakin' avant garde coffin!
I was numb through the entire drama until some quiet time at night. There's where all the mindrama came in.
What if my brain is screwed? What if they find some weird patterns?
I won't be able to laugh it off with "My medical film is artistic. Let's hold an exhibition" or with any stupid tasteless jokes of mine. What would I do? How should I break the news? What do I want to do?
I just really want two things. Cliche but true.
First; I want to spend quality moments with people I love. The boyfriend, the non-biological family, and the family. But, I would like to die with none of them seeing me catch the last breath 'cause I don't want people looking at my stupid gasping for air face. Too ego and vain for that.
Second; I want to make a difference in someone's life. I want to reach out to people and make a difference in their life. This is really what I want to do for a living.
The graphic details of ballistics in my head just really magnify who and what are important. At the end of it, it does make me feel like a dumbass to to pay 2000 bucks and a night of discomfort to figure that out. But I guess, sometimes we just get so bogged down with racing, we focus entirely on the medal, not realizing that we are losing gems that we didn't need to lose.
Having that brain check did me some good. At this point where I am still struggling to know how to go about with things, I somehow coaxed myself into numbness. I heard me telling me sweet nothings of things that is secondary nonetheless important.
It really is frustrating to come to realization on a hospital bed after being throughly ogled by some space-tech doppelganger machine. It was like a freakin' avant garde coffin!
I was numb through the entire drama until some quiet time at night. There's where all the mindrama came in.
What if my brain is screwed? What if they find some weird patterns?
I won't be able to laugh it off with "My medical film is artistic. Let's hold an exhibition" or with any stupid tasteless jokes of mine. What would I do? How should I break the news? What do I want to do?
I just really want two things. Cliche but true.
First; I want to spend quality moments with people I love. The boyfriend, the non-biological family, and the family. But, I would like to die with none of them seeing me catch the last breath 'cause I don't want people looking at my stupid gasping for air face. Too ego and vain for that.
Second; I want to make a difference in someone's life. I want to reach out to people and make a difference in their life. This is really what I want to do for a living.
The graphic details of ballistics in my head just really magnify who and what are important. At the end of it, it does make me feel like a dumbass to to pay 2000 bucks and a night of discomfort to figure that out. But I guess, sometimes we just get so bogged down with racing, we focus entirely on the medal, not realizing that we are losing gems that we didn't need to lose.
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