Now You Know...


As the dust thickens on those forsaken racks while the leaves gently piles themselves on those stairs... It comes back slowly from the back of my mind of what I've heard but chose to store away.

They once told me that it is not for the weak willed, and faint hearted. I listened out of courteous while the retaliation in me set its frontline to fight the so called wisdom.

How life is weird sometimes... It's like a flu shot. It prepares you even when you are in the zen mode and watch them do the yadda yaddas. Then without you realizing it, slaps you in the face real hard before you have time to snap out of zen. It gives you that instantaneous 2 minutes concussion and chokes you with reality, that's when you wish you had paid attention in that detention.

Apparently that is no bogus.

So now you know.

When Happiness Is...


not happiness if you're not with me. I am not able to replace that emptiness with anything, not even with the things I thought I love most.

How is it possible that the thigns I love most cannot make me happy anymore? I thought I'd be fine by filling the void with these things but I am not.

I told myself that I'd let go if everything is still unsure but I know I wouldn't want to say that and I am glad that I didn't have to. I thought I am an individualist, I thought I'm the type who can live for myself, I thought I am that independent, and I am wrong.

Because I know what it feels like to be happy, to be that person that I thought I can never be, to be so contented to take care of someone, and to be taken care of. I don't think I can be that independent anymore because I need that someone.

When I know what security is, everything else comes in second. Because that happiness is something I cannot find elsewhere.