When Facing Facts


At a point when facing becomes so harsh and hard, escaping didn't seem like a bad idea at all, in fact it is the best thing at this point in time. People always say, face it no point in escaping... True but what their wisdom didn't know is the emotional war inside a person is not geared up for that face the reality session. What could be more harmful than escapism is being desperate.

Give it a break and allow escapism to calm the chaos but not let escapism be the solution.

Escapism was served on my table and in the midst of my indulgence, pit stop occured, snapping me back to reality. It is then I felt the hot streams overflowing yet I told myself that I'm bigger than this and just let me indulge and prepare for now.

The pit stops are there to nurture the coping as it gives me small doses of reality, in my case, makes it easier to swallow.

I'm a woman, I work differently. I'm not strong but I pretend to be, hoping that it serves as a vault, where minds would immagine it as a place of beauty. Truth is the vault is stored with none of what those minds had imagined.

Opening it isn't a wrong move though it felt disastrous. How can I guard it? Maybe it's back to building; brick by brick.

Allow my indulgence... Allow it.

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It's All Too Many In A Little Bag


This is how it feels, putting a hand in an overflowing bag full of a million things and trying to pull out just one thing but it is so full, I had to put the other hand in to pull out and ended with both my hands stucked. Then, I have my hands grasp and brushed against many many different things in that bag but could get hold of none. In a less complicating word; complex.

Previously it was disappointment.

The day before was anger.

Yesterday it's worries.

Just a little while before it's heartbreak.

Now it's sadness as the emptiness and hollowness sinks in inch by inch.

Later, I cannot predict.

But there is one thing that sticks so true is that; I'm not better off without you and it hurts when you think so.

It hurts more 'cause you're not even a jerk to begin with and to hear and watch you being mean to yourself, hurts. How can I bear to watch that someone so dear to me hurt himself like that? When all these times I have been trying my best to care and love him in the best ways that I can.

It's so helpless that the gaps are getting bigger and I have no access of any sort.

I wish you know how heartbreaking this is and how much it pains me.

When The Anaesthesia Runs Low


How many rain does it take to put out the sun? and how many sea does it take to engulf that ball of light?


Not much really. When the core of it runs out of glow, no rain nor sea is needed to calm it's glow. It dims itself pace by pace 'til it blends in. It is still there if you make an effort to touch it but your eyes may be too distracted to sense it's indifferent presence.


Maybe... Just maybe one day you'd happen to bump in it, in the midst of what they call memories, but just maybe. What am I to do with all these colours and visions and hopes and all the dots you've made and all the lines that I meant to join together, together.


When all the anaesthesia evaporates, all shall awake in jolts.


Maybe another dose of anaesthesia?

If It Is What It Is


It is probably one of the hardest thing to face when coming home isn't the same like yesterday and the days before.

It would be heart wrenching to hold back what I used to say. To be going back to where it was.

It seems like we're always in this circle. It happened before, now just a deja vu. Reliving the plot in a different scene.

What am I to do with these sweet souvenirs you have left me with? It will bring me to tears because I now realized that it's not the same. It will make my heart sour and ache.

What you have build in this little heart, is a colony.

Definitely the hardest pill to swallow.

But if letting go builds a bridge to betterment, then it is what it is.

Rights?


So they say rights are your power to determine your wants.

What rights have I got to determine another's life? Not quite if any at all.

I'm not trying to launch a debate here saying I'm right and you're wrong.

Point here is prevention is better than cure.

Should I allow someone to take up a risk that has a multiplier of four when I can choose not to?

I'm not a risk taker, especially not when it involves someone else's living.

Then again, what rights have I got to cross the choices of what God has intended?


I'm just saying because that's how it is now.

I may seem like an overwhelmed selfish psycho at this point and that's quite right.